Capitalism. Definitely capitalism.
Almost every issue I have right now goes back to billionaires, fascism, or capitalism. The last two years have been the most difficult of my life so far, and literally existential. I just nearly avoided statelessness and now I can’t legally work following a layoff, so I’ve been living off of savings
Some combination of decades of trauma, a system designed to marginalize and exploit, a lack of community, genetics.
I literally can’t figure out why. I have a stable living situation, decent income, a loving long-term partner and no health concerns. I don’t think I remember the last time I genuinely felt happy. There’s short-term excitement or giddyness sometimes, but that lasting, calming presence of actual happiness has been missing for a while.
I’m not demoralized by the problems the world faces. I’m demoralized by people’s active efforts against solving them, or encouraging making them worse. Racism above economic benefits for all. More expensive gas vehicles over the multitude of transport options that don’t pollute our environment.
In history books, I read stories about how the world had to band together to win WW2; for instance, stories about sharing used nylons to make parachutes, or how the modern post office was reinvented. As horrible as war was, I miss when people would actually try. It disgusts me that a great many people just know that you-know-who lies on the regular and still support him.
I don’t even hate him so strongly. I hate what he showed of our world as a litmus test, and it’s made it hard to trust that world again.
Health.
Also brain.
Also they overlap.
Mostly I am happy - I don’t think it really has that much to do with my circumstances, which now are relatively cushy, just a lucky quirk of biology. I have been reasonably happy when homeless, I do get anxious but not depressed, just not how my brain works.
So please never blame yourself if you are unhappy, it can be the other side of the same coin. I do think satisfaction, the ability to be satisfied is a life skill, but happiness vs. sadness, some of that is biological.
Who says I’m not?
Chronic fatigue and insomnia.
I somehow won’t allow it
Society build on imperialism and capitalism & how everything that does not in the box is shoved into it so hard it fits doesn’t matter if it breaks while it’s being shoved.
I am happy, but thanks for the check-in.
Everything keeps getting further away economically. It’s like those dolly zoom shots in cinema where the camera keeps the subect in the same spot but the background rapidly recedes. I keep trying to move forward, but it feels like we’re not getting anywhere.
cause i wasnt born in the scandinavian region
Dunno
