Put them in a lil zoo, charge admission to see them

My ginger cat lets me carry her monorail style over one outstretched forearm. I carry her around the yard the way a waiter carries the little white towel over his arm, while I water my plants and I tell her in detail about what seeds ive planted this year. She seems moderately interested.

Sh also lets me carry her upside down with two hands, ass in the air, front legs dangling down, belly out, when she’s somewhere she’s not supposed to be, I pick her up, dangle-carry her to her bed, and yeet her in. She seems to think it’s funny.

In the morning, when it’s time for breakfast, she walks down the hallway in front of me, pinballing off the walls, and hitting her head quite hard each time. She walks under the table and chairs, bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk. She does it on purpose.

Hardware store guy: “I’m here if you need any advice!”

Me: “How do I begin to heal from past traumas when my only coping mechanism is fantasization and when the only emotional reaction I have to someone breaking contact with me is validation of my belief that I’m a burden and they are better off without me in their life?”