That picture of Ash’s mom is gross and objectifying. Where did you find it so I can avoid that website?

I threw my back out putting on my clothes after a shower today

The gif is basically me for the last week

The fall of the Berlin Wall, the space shuttle Challenger disaster, the Chernobyl meltdown, and Iran Contra all are closer to the release date for Wake Me Up When September Ends that it is to today.

If you were 23 in 2004 you should get a colonoscopy scheduled

Passenger: So… is your name actually Christ? Is it short for Christopher or Christian or something?

Driver: I’ll be honest. I’m an Ecuadorian named Jesus. I just don’t want ICE to kidnap me

How else am I going to clean the phone after using it while I shit? That’s dirty

Next you’ll be telling me I should use a bidet instead of cleaning my ass with the shower wand.

Ugh, your dentist and your pharmacist sucks. Do you have any other pharmacies in the area that you could consult with? Honestly, a pharmacist should be happy to give pharmacological input, especially about dosage and any potential medicine conflicts or hazards, prescription or no. Jesus, what a tool

My personal method when I have a gout flareup, kidney stones, or other intense pain, is to stagger nsaids and acetaminophen on a two hour cycle. 600mg acetaminophen, two hours later 500mg aspirin or 400mg Advil. Each medicine reapplied at 4 hour intervals. I try to time the nsaids with meals to help ease any stomach issues the nsaids may cause. At 600mg my acetaminophen dosage over 16 hrs (assuming I can sleep) is limited to 2400mg, and 2000mg for aspirin. This allows for a small increase in dosage for breakthrough pain, or a couple additional doses if I can’t sleep. Honestly, it only keeps the pain from increasing, especially with gout. Very effective for caffeine withdrawal headaches tho

When everyone else is 65% warm, I am 100% warm

Manipause is real

Ibuprofen/acetaminophen are not narcotics, they’re prescription doses of over the counter medications (acetaminophen in particular can destroy a liver if overdosed, hence “prescription strength”). Go to the pharmacy, ask the pharmacist what their advice is and what options you have for OTC meds or emergency antibiotics, based on what you were told by the dentist/oral surgeon. Sorry your dentist office sucks U_U

There was a real missed opportunity to have a picture of Jason Alexander (who was in his 30’s during most of Seinfeld’s production) instead of James Gandolfini.

Still true tho

Rules to live by:

1. Don’t be embarrassed by your body, nor the sounds and smells it makes. We are creatures of matter, not ethereal beings of light
2. The toilet is a sacred place where social mores are relaxed. Just don’t talk to other people while you’re relieving yourself or getting your dick sucked
3. Seriously, why are you on the phone in the bathroom? I’m trying to read in here!
4. Wash your hands
5. If you see someone leave a bathroom without washing their hands, and you see that person soon after with a group of people, it is your solemn doody to walk up to their companion, point at them with a fully extended arm, and say slightly louder than socially acceptable “THEY DIDN’T WASH THEIR HANDS”. Walk away with no other comment