Nothing in the world seems to help. I spent forever trying to find something to watch, but literally nothing felt good. Even when I eventually put something on it felt empty and I just ended up staring at the wall. I tried playing videos games, some of which I really love, and I turned them all off after a few minutes. I’ve tried other things too. Half the time I don’t even eat. Time passes in slow motion, like some kind of purgatory. The worst is I can’t even sleep. I have the next few days off and they’re going to feel like an eternity. It actually scares me. How do you get through this? I’m desperate.
For what it’s worth, I see a therapist weekly and I’m on a few different medications. This particular bout of sadness is caused by an especially painful rejection.
It’s good to have that awareness. Fear of abandonment doesn’t just moderate how we connect with people, it moderates how we feel about connection, during connection, etc.
I’m not the biggest fan of CBT - I think it can be used in a way that’s too clinical rather than felt - but wading into the beliefs you have about abandonment and self-worth can be very valuable. We can’t confront something until we shine a light on it.
Once the beliefs and feelings are labeled to some extent, the next step with CBT could be to identify the cognitive ( C ) distortions in those beliefs and then explore what a more balanced substitute could look like. Then by examining the behavioural (B) influence those beliefs had on you, you can try out new behaviours too. That kind of therapy (T) can help flush emotional states that have been stuck for some time.
But the mechanics of CBT aren’t enough. A well attuned therapist is what makes it more than the sum of its parts.
At one point I bought CBT for Dummies but I didn’t get very far. I’m trying to be introspective and examine why I feel this way, but I just end up in a spiral.
My therapist is pretty good, I think. I’ve had others in the past that took a more active approach, gave me more coaching, and stuff like that. This one does a lot more just listening and pointing things out. It’s definitely possible there is one out there I would work better with, but we have a good rapport and I don’t want to switch.
There is research that vouches that the quality of the relationship (or rapport) is more important than modality with respect to outcomes. Your instincts sound good.
And yes, trying to do this ourself is like trying to put up a tent by oneself in my experience. We usually need a “spotter” at the very least.
Best of luck.
Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond so many times. I’m glad to hear that about therapist rapport, because I do really like mine.