I believe that in my previous life I must’ve done something good that brought me luck in this one.

I have a group of a dozen male friends whom I would trust with my life and the lives of my family. I think the same holds for each and every one of them.

We all come from the same small town. The group grew since kindergarten a few of us went to, adding friends through school, highschool, university. We have different careers and each one brings a unique perspective on things.

We try to get together as often as possible, but with work and kids and families it’s difficult to always make it. So we implemented the “minimum viable product” approach where any two of us will arrange to meet up, then notify everyone else about what/when/where we are planning, and have anyone else join if they can, too. So even if just the original two meet up, they get to see a good friend. And if more show up, so much the better.

I feel truly blessed in this regard. I think there’s a huge number of benefits we all reap from such a group: social safety net, psychological support, sanity checks on ideas and life decisions, reliable people you can vent to, always having someone to have a beer with, interventions when needed.

I know few people have this, and if I could magically wish things into being, it would be that everyone in the world gets a friend group like this to rely on. I feel it would make things… significantly better.

Take care of each other out there.

It’s unfortunate, but friendships seem to be worn down by time. I’ve always been the person who will reach out if I feel like the other person also does but as soon as it feels one sided I lose motivation. When I was younger and lived closer to several people I considered friends, it felt nice. But as the years roll on, I find myself growing apart from friends in several ways. One of those ways is that despite seeming like not “kid people” several friends now have multiple kids and that’s their life now. Which isn’t really my thing. Other friends, I just feel I have less in common with than before, or they’ve gone off one deep end or another. Politics is a non zero factor. Conspiracy theories are another thing, unfortunately.

You guys have friends?

No

But I’m doing fine work and giving it my best.

Let me pat myself on the back instead of getting depressed about it for a change.

I’ve tried, man. I at least got better at socializing in a common atmosphere, so I don’t feel so distant, but many people just don’t reciprocate communications. I invite a repeating occasion for people, and they’ll need 8 reminders or just not show up, to the point I don’t bother. When I realize I’m always the initiator, I decide that connection isn’t important to them.

God forbid a deeper need like confessing to traumas or needing emotional support. Some of the slightest favors I’ve asked of people have been too much. All the “above and beyond” actions I’ve ever seen in my life where people do things for one another have been in fictional media, never between actual human beings.

This is one of the things that I’m pretty satisfied with and grateful for in my life. No romance, currently no job, not much I’m excited about on the horizon, but I’m very happy with the friendships I’ve cultivated with other dudes. I just wish we all lived closer together. A handful of us do a semi-regular video chat where we check in and see how everyone’s doing. We hold space for emotional vulnerability and support each other however we can. We talk about issues with life, family, or sometimes just shoot the shit and have a regular chat about whatever we’ve been up to.

When people talk about holding your male friends accountable for saying sexist things or reinforcing typical toxic bullshit, I feel very fortunate that I just don’t have friends like that. I like to think I’d call it out if it happened, but I just never have to hear that kind of shit from my friends and I don’t think I’d cultivate a friendship with someone who’s comfortable saying that kind of stuff.

We’re all in our 30’s at this point and some are starting families. I don’t get to see everyone as much as I’d like, but any time I get to spend around them always feels so restorative. I’ve never been shy about expressing my true feelings and I tell each and every one of them that I love them. I used to really enjoy making my more guarded friends squirm with an “I love you,” but it doesn’t really work anymore because now everyone is just as comfortable saying it as I am.

I wish every dude could have guy friends like this. There’s a lot of cultural baggage that makes it harder than it should be. I appreciate the question because I often struggle with feeling gratitude for the things in my life that I’m most thankful for. I spend too much time in a negative headspace, but I’ve got a good bench of bros I can lean on and I need to appreciate that.

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

No. Mainly for these reasons.

I tried more when I was younger. At some point I couldn’t be bothered with those kind of things anymore.

Maybe it’s just me or the places I’ve been, but men are value superficially. Most guys I’ve thought were friends were shallow or based on value extractions.

There was one man only who didn’t care about tangible values. Whether that be monetary, social capital, or what have you. We drifted apart over the years and lost contact all together. Might be the only true friend I’ve ever had.

It seems from my experience the gateway to most male friendship is animalistic headbutting. I’m not about that. Maybe I tired of that too soon before my age group moved on from that phase. I don’t know.

My best friend (friends for about 40 years now) and I still talk a few times a month. His schedule has always been busy since he’s a workaholic, but we always find time for each other.

We’ve talked most of our lives about emotional stuff, but he came out about 15 years, so I don’t know how much that plays into him being more emotionally available. I’m straight but feel fine talking about personal stuff with people. I just know that stuff is important to talk about.

My other closest guy friend is more a typical dude. We’ve had some personal chats. He’s kinda had like a prolonged 5 year split with his wife, so there’s been a lot he’s needed to get off his chest.

He doesn’t like to get too open, but now that he’s kinda living on his own (partial custody of kids) I’ve been trying to be really supportive of him because I know he’s going through a lot and doesn’t really have anyone else to talk to as most of his lifelong friends are 3 hours away. He kinda thanked me the other day for always being so positive and upbeat around him, so it seems to be working even if he can’t always acknowledge it.

My brother is probably my next closest guy friend. We’re very opposite in lifestyle, but humor-wise we are the same and we grew up the same crappy ways, so we get along well. He’s much more social than I am, so he’s busy a lot, but we still BS a few times a month and have dinner sometimes.

It’s important to have bro friends. I have a good amount of female friends as well, but some things are just more bro-ish. The girls can give equally valid, if not better advice sometimes, but it’s nice to have a guy to get another guy’s opinion on things too.

I wouldn’t just get all sobby on someone out of nowhere, but if you want to get more personal, just lean into it a bit and feel out how receptive people are. Sometimes, guy or girl, people are cautious about getting into someone’s personal life, either they’re insecure talking about personal things, or they don’t wanna get blamed if they give advice that doesn’t work out, etc, but you just gotta go for it in a reasonable manner if you want to be more open.

All of the males around me are conservatives. No

Not really. I have a lot of trouble relating to other straight/cis men. The more time I spend around someone, the less I like them. I pretty much hate most “masculine” stuff. I have started to prefer ephemeral stuff like talking people up in public, doing board games and trivia nights, and attending niche meetups. Friendships rarely stick, but I do see the same people periodically which is nice

I’ve tried gaming, but card games are too expensive for my interest level, and I get burned out out video games too quickly to get into competitive stuff. A bunch of my friends from college bond over this, and it kinda sucks to feel incompatible with it. I sometimes get in on an D&D game which is great, but not especially frequent.

I have more female and LGBTQ friends than anything, but it’s hard to feel fully included in those communities either because I’m pretty much a normie. It’s still the most positive community I am a part of and tend to earn trust and an ally pretty quickly, so I lean on it.

I’m also pretty autistic and mostly want to talk to people about Linux, mesh networks, and data hoarding, and I have my best luck online. I’m a part of a few niche online communities and do IRL meetups and stuff.

I work in word tech startups, and like my coworkers, but they’re not my close friends. Still, it’s the closest I get to “my people”, but it’s mostly remote work and hardly anyone ever lives near me.

I an excellent relationship with my wife and she has a much easier time making friends. She and her friends all think it’s weird that I don’t have many close friends, and it really does feel like it’s just hard to be a social man these days.

It does get to be hard. I do sometimes worry that I am uniquely unlikeable, but I also don’t ever get that feedback. I just have no idea where I would find the kind of friend that thinks writing NixOS flakes and Terraform scripts is a fun leisure activity.

I have a wife and kids and a good amount of friends. Some are friends of convenience (neighbors and such I see everyday or kids are friends and we hang out or are part of our puckleball league) and some are just aquiantances but I got like 4-5 friends I really enjoy seeing and hang out with twice a month or more.

Yes, my best friend and I have been friends for 35 years, even though he lives 1000 miles away. I’m close with one of my male cousins and we talk regularly. My wife and I also just hung out with another longtime male friend and his wife and just spent the night bullshitting. Also making new friends, including men, at the living history museum I’m on the board of.

I’m not always sure why these folks want to hang out with me, but I’m glad to have them in my life.

Well, very few of them remained successful. There is only like one person right now or maybe two with whom I am open enough to reveal my identity’s crucial parts and not being judged. Most of them broke my heart, maybe, cuz I have trusted them from very beginning or maybe I am unlucky person who broke the hearts of those who wanna come closer to me and also got broken heart by those whom I chased.

No. I grew up with parents who cut me off from the entire world and now I can’t make friends without it getting awkward. It’s usually because I don’t know proper guy behavior, and they end up thinking I’m gay, but a new low was achieved recently, where I was actually the problem this time by leaning into the stereotype and freaking all the guys I know out.

I just grew tired of getting friends, hanging out the first time, and never getting a call back. Or, “if you need anything, let me know/hey bud, how’s it going?” Making random ass promises that we’d hang out. Then never following through. So I just leaned the hell into it. I don’t even remember what I said. A lot of the guys have stopped being friendly with me now though. Used to talk about their home countries and shit.

It was just frustrating, trying to find authenticity and constantly getting people who couldn’t see me as a person. It had happened over and over and over and over. And they all just wiggle out of it with fakeness, so they don’t have to be a bad person. Which hurts more than them actually manning up and just telling me the truth.

I have an amazing set of male friends. We have been friends since college. We game, go on vacations, go to events, go out for dinner together, we help each-other out. We all talk to each-other at least once a week. We have weathered marriages, divorces, kids, grandkids, moves, addictions, hospital visits, and funerals.