whats your thought on open relationship? if both living in different states

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
    1·
    5 days ago

    I wouldn’t like it in that situation, no. If you aren’t together and are doing other people but not each other what exactly is your relationship?

    The only way I think it really works is if you are so hot together it pulls other people in, and if you are both wired to be turned on by hearing about the sex with other people, and have extremely good communication, like to the point it would annoy most people. It can’t be to fill a hole (ha ha) in the relationship you have. It can be good if you are both enthusiastic about it for sure. I don’t personally know anyone who has successfully used it one sided to manage a libido difference, though the top comment here is a guy saying he does that.

  • Bizzle@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    6 days ago

    I’m newly poly and my wife and girlfriend both live in town, but it’s really fulfilling for all of us

      • Bizzle@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        3 days ago

        It’s been a long road but when I met GF I knew I wanted to date her and that I didn’t want to cheat. She is happily married and was already poly so I talked to my wife about it. It was suuuuper weird at first, but now we’re all friends. The most important thing about being poly- what makes it poly instead of just cheating- is openness and honesty. Just be honest and everything will work out for you.

  • Lasherz@lemmy.world
    2·
    6 days ago

    It seems like an exhaustingly complex set of boundaries to keep and tends to create winners and losers out of third parties if the boundaries are rigidly followed in most cases. I think being that secure is somewhat admirable, but it also seems like a devastating fall to make if things don’t work out. Different folks have different ways of doing things, I think it’s fine, just not for me personally and I definitely wouldn’t want to be the 3rd party to it either.

  • YappyMonotheist@lemmy.world
    21·
    6 days ago

    It can never be as deep as a monogamous one (ceiling, not floor) and idk anyone IRL who would be okay with it in earnest (and not just saying they are not to lose the person thinking about opening it, or access to their resources), so idk. I would say I’m cautious about them, particularly how healthy they can be.

  • Zensate@lemmy.world
    24·
    6 days ago

    Open relationships are objectively bad for healthy mature people who prize a connection and long-term loving relationship.

    However, they are a lot easier for people who prefer to not go deep, who don’t want to work on themselves, and who want to imagine they’re doing something extra “enlightened” or detached. It’s basically something you do out of ego and self-convenience, which is the antithesis of love.

    If you’re serious about this life, find one person and go deep with them. Experience the desperation of not always getting what you want, not always being able to have your needs met, not just being able to go to a different person when it gets hard or when you feel deprived.

    Like Jung says nobody grows until they reach a problem they can’t solve. Real love relationships are like that; you are eventually tasked with not just loving your own preferences mirrored in another person, which is pure selfishness, but learning to love beyond your own preferences, loving beyond getting what you want; loving just to love. This is the only way a person can learn unconditional love, even having children cannot teach you that because since they are “yours” the condition is always there that they an extension of your own genes. And loving yourself is easy.

  • Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org
    12·
    6 days ago

    if both living in different states

    Is it even a “relationship” then?

    On what terms? Do they have plans for life? Together?? Why is one of them asking for “open” (whatever that means in this case)?

    IMHO It might well be that the one has already given up the other, but the other doesn’t admit reality…