President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday afternoon to change the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America,” his latest escalation as he engages in a tense trade war with Canada.
“‘Lake of America’ was something I’ve been thinking about for a long time,” Trump said from the Oval Office. “We have a gulf and we have a lake. Now, all we need is an ocean. So, maybe we’ll have to change the name of the Atlantic and/or the Pacific. Maybe we’ll change them both.”
Surrounded by large maps of the Great Lakes, Trump said the name change was “effective immediately,” and that his staff had “filed all the necessary papers, documents, everything else.” A White House aide claimed the lake “has most of its volume in the United States” and that the “deepest parts” are in US territory.
Don’t bother changing signage, it’ll go back here soon.
You all laugh, but think for a moment about the poor cattle rancher currently sitting on the toilet with his lettuce diarrhea, worried about the pending foreclosure of all he has and when the ivermectin is finally going to kick in for little Billy Jr’s case of measles.
But then upon his porcelain throne he sees his dear leader with the courage and genius to redraw the name of the lake he didn’t remember existed from its communist foreign name to a name he knows and can remember, because it’s the name of where he lives and also two of his daughters.
And finally, for the first time since Obama’s shadow government made him wear a mask in 2020 for the hoax pandemic that doctors claimed killed his elderly parents but everyone knew was just a flu and also engineered by Fauci for maximum damage — he knows.
He knows it’s going to be okay.
That when Billy Jr beats this made-up measles thing and little America One and America Too and the whole family loses the ranch, that they can go to the Lake that is now their heritage by the only name they need to learn it.
And then he’ll float, staring up into the heavens, finally at peace secure in the knowledge that at long last the greatest President since Jesus is cradling his heart and interests in his diminutive bruised hands, exhausted from all the renaming of water.
Why can’t I find an obvious way to follow you and everything you post
I enjoyed reading this, bravo👏
Was explaining the propaganda of that Great to be an American song to my son. He never heard it so pulled up the music video. I had never seen it just heard the song. But the video was just that. The man singing how great America is even has he is losing everything and becoming homeless. Pretty fuck up.
Pretty fuck up.
hey, that’s what they call me! Except they don’t call me pretty.
Note that the Canadian province is named after the lake; not vice versa.
So, this isn’t even the snub he thinks it is.
Yes, Trump is a complete moron, but this is particularly idiotic even by his extraordinarily idiotic standards.
Great, instead of HOMES we can remember the great lakes by SHAME
Well, look. This fascist fucking nazi shithead is, in fact, a fascist fucking nazi shithead, but I’ll give him credit for killing the penny.
so…
Maybe we’ll change them both.”
Technically, if you REALLY LOOK at a fucking globe, there is ONE ocean. So technically there’s a case for calling it all one thing. So it’s only stupid and ridiculous to rename it the American Ocean… but really, it should be all one ocean :P that’s my story and I’m sticking to it
(that’s 5% serious and 95% fuck fascists) (well, 2% serious maybe)
The dumbest fucking timeline
Not exactly. The dumbest timeline has each lake renamed to the Make America Great Again Lakes from left to right on the map.
I know he wants me to be pissed about this and he achieved his goal.
Often described as ignorant, he changed over 300 Wadiyan words to “Aladeen,” including the words “positive” and “negative,” causing mass confusion.
Doctor: Do you want the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?
Patient: The Aladeen news?
Doctor: You are HIV-Aladeen
Be happy it’s not Trump Lake. He’s put his name on everything he can in this country. Just like a good dictator.
I love how he got minorly blocked from literally chiseling his name into the Kennedy Center, so now he’s talking about demoing the whole thing. True abuser mentality - if I can’t have it, nobody can have it.
I only just realized he renamed an airport after himself. Like, what the fuck did you do to deserve that?
He truly is envious of the authoritarians leaders in other countries.
I know people joke, but I truly hope he lives lot enough to see his legacy dismantled.
If this isn’t the phrase of the year I don’t know what is.
Fun fact:
The mnemonic for the Great Lakes will also change from H-O-M-E-S to S-H-A-M-E, if you replace the O for Ontario with an A for America.
After this is over Republicans should all be branded as criminals
Over 77 million Americans voted for this. They looked at Donald god damned Trump and said, “yeah, that’s my guy.” TWICE! Albeit it was non-consecutively, but I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.
We live in a shit hole country, y’all. Shit-hole.
Just fucking die already god damnit.
“‘Lake of America’ was something I’ve been thinking about for a long time,"
Yeah sure you were, pedo
Dear leader says food and fuel is cheap! We love him!
Dear leader says it’s gulf of amercia! We love him!
Dear leaders trade war isn’t hurting farmers! We love him!
Dear leader says it is Lake of America now! We love him!
Dear leader says he isn’t a pedophile! We love him!
Jesus Christ. This guy has like 2 thoughts. Tariffs and renaming things.
And painting stuff gold then claiming it’s real gold leaf.
Sheesh. Ontario, New York is right there, and Wayne County in which it’s located went bright red in 2024. Some people in Washington really need to learn how to manage a stupid narcissist without creating a bunch of work for everybody.
I mean, they already figured out that fig leafs work in the other direction.
FUCKING WASTE OF TIME
It’s a distraction. The news isn’t talking about Natalie anymore.
